Stories from the First Days of My New Life

This morning I woke up alone.

Jørgen’s ashes were resting close to my body.

There is something surreal about waking up and knowing that the person you shared your everyday life with is no longer beside you — and yet, somehow, he is still everywhere.

Today I had somewhere simple to go.

The market.

I got into the car and began driving through the rolling hills and winding roads. The windows were open and the wind moved through the car.

Up and down.

Left and right.

Around the bends and through the landscape.

It felt strangely symbolic.

Perhaps this is what this new life is going to be like too.

Not a straight road.

More like a journey through hills and valleys, unexpected turns and open spaces.

When I arrived, I stopped the car and opened the door.

And I walked into the market.

For the first time in a very long time, I was simply there as me.

I wasn’t rushing home to see if Jørgen was okay.

I wasn’t going to the chemist to collect his medication.

I wasn’t thinking about the next meal, the next appointment, the next pain, or whether he had slept.

And there were no ten hugs waiting for me at the end of the day, where we would tell each other everything that had happened.

Today, I was simply joining the community again.

Landing.

Finding my footsteps.

I was wearing Jørgen’s jeans.

I had my hat on and a basket over my shoulder.

And I suddenly realised how significant those jeans felt.

For years, Jørgen and I walked beside each other.

Now I am learning to walk in my own footsteps.

And today, wearing his pants, I felt something unexpected.

Strength.

Not the strength of leaving him behind.

The strength of carrying something of him forward.

I gave thanks to Nina for the beautiful fruit and vegetables she gifted me.

I gave thanks to the crystal lady at the market.

And I gave thanks to Jørgen.

For the years we shared.

For what he taught me.

For making me feel strong.

For helping me feel safe.

And perhaps, most importantly, for helping me become ready.

Ready to step into what comes next.

High Spirits Retreat is entering a new season too.

I am taking charge of this beautiful place and beginning to understand what it means to hold it in my own way.

I want High Spirits to continue to be a place where people can arrive, breathe, rest, heal, learn, laugh, love and discover more of themselves.

A spiritual home away from home.

A place where body, mind and soul can meet.

And perhaps this is what I am learning now myself:

That life doesn’t begin again because we forget what has been.

It begins again because we learn how to carry what we have loved into the next chapter.

Today I walked to the market.

Tomorrow I will take another step.

And I don’t know exactly where this road will lead.

But I am walking.

And for today, that is enough.

 🌺

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